END ZEN

zenintruck

D.L. Crumpton

How to end this? Oh…people; we’re funny little machinations aren’t we? When at the behest of my brother to start a blog five years ago I had little clue in the beginning as to what such an undertaking would be founded upon. After yet another long drive to work, in deep meditation, it struck me like a bolt of enlightenment that the only thing I really had to offer readers would inevitably have to be the strange trains of thoughts I had while in the car. Seeing as how much of my time just so happened to be in a fiberglass cage on wheels and the only real place I was going was deeper into my own thoughts, it seemed to me that a treasure trove of writing material could be pulled from that well. With that epiphany and a few keystrokes later, ZENINTHECAR.COM was born. Where that particular car would take me, well that is an altogether different story.

 

So you started a website and published your thoughts ranging from the mundane to the profane. You hold your breath and hope that someone’s eyes will grasp your ramblings from religion to philosophy and the giant leap down to politics. You try to find some magical, mystical way to tie and bind them altogether so that those who can hear would suddenly realize that all of those things are interconnected. Perhaps shooting rubber-bands at the moon in hopes to make it wince would have been an easier endeavor; nevertheless you shake your fists at the heavens anyway and try, try, try. At the end of long and winding so called “blogs” you hit a button and cross your fingers as you try to spread your ideas and ideals through any method possible. You envision that maybe you can use the only true passion and talent the Gods have given you to start some sparks in the minds of men and women and sit back as you watch this mythical thing happen called…gasp…change.

 

Change? What is this? Why do you want it exactly? Well that is an easy one of course and the answer is because you see that the world you are living in is quite screwy and that doesn’t really sit too well with you seeing as how you are all enlightened and shit. You watch the masses around you fill their bodies with GMO foods and drinks, cocaininate their brains with tons and tons of bleached sugar and brush it off with sodium fluoride for that nice calcification of the third eye. You listen to small crowds cheer for their god that approved of the bombing of this country or that; not sparing the body parts of little brown babies to boot. Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor and don’t forget to nail their babies to the door. While wondering why the gods won’t fight their own goddamn wars, on occasion you are daft enough to ask and have to endure a nosebleed as the reply usually comes back around to some small strip of land in the Middle East that isn’t even big enough for any valid God to wipe its ass with. But for some reason or another, pulpits across your so called country spoon feed their flocks with this type of reasoning and back it with threats from the Almighty if they dare question it like the school yard bully of the Universe. You quickly see that the bleating sheep invariably carry this to their monthly republican meetings where they decide who is and is not worthy of being in the political process of your so called “free country”. You have to somehow reach into these machines with the swift and steel darts of your words. Perhaps aimlessly you use each article, each video attached, each link and every bit of verbal symbolism you have at your disposal in the effort to activate some activists within the machines and pray that you can dislodge some cogs that might just do something about the ills of the world or die trying.

 

othersTime goes by and little by little you see that you indeed are not alone in your endeavors and there are in fact others willing to jump into the fray. You are not so arrogant to think that you have been the catalyst for this thing that is unfolding, but you do certainly feel some pride in knowing that indeed you have played a small part. From time to time you have to smile as you hear activists mention something you proverbially scribbled with your keyboard under one alias or another for the purpose of covering your ass at the republican meetings. While by design you have deliberately separated your words from your face and your name by several degrees for the purpose of remaining effective as a delegate; secretly you want to jump out from behind the curtain and shout “It’s me! I’m the wizard!” …but then again that would be a little melodramatic now wouldn’t it. So you are content to let some imaginary characters you created take the credit for a scathing report you published regarding the failings of the political process as it unfolds. As some character from a movie once said “anonymity is like a warm blanket”.

 

teamzenWhen the election cycle is over and your side was once again snubbed you decide that it’s time to take a more aggressive approach and recruit others to your little Zenterprise as it treks beyond party affiliations and into outright guerilla activism. One by one they come, having been inspired the groundwork you have laid and then it’s off to the races! A YouTube channel opens up with a brand you created, you and your counterparts are soon regular guests on several radio shows across the internet spreading the idea of Freedom and Liberty and all that jazz followed by speaking events from one rally to another protest. The idea of bringing a team together to prove that people from all religions or faiths and political parties becomes a reality and more hear the call expressing a desire to suit up alongside you. Your vision expands to become a kind of Professor Xavier for others; taking them under your wing, teaching them the ropes and then sending them off to star in their own series. The attempt to create a hydra with so many heads aimed for change that change has ultimately become inevitable is a ball that is already rolling fast. You have every reason to be proud, you have every reason to be happy, you have every reason to feel that you are at the height of your life…but you don’t. In fact you feel as if this little car of zen that could has driven you straight off a cliff into utter despair and desolation with its message of Freedom and Liberty. And why? Because of what it has cost you on a personal level. Because of what you were willing to sacrifice of yourself under a belief that it would liberate others. Perhaps that part was true; but while being true you know that the mission certainly hasn’t liberated you of anything but your contentment and state of zen.

 

 

Then it occurs to you that you have finally gone and done it. You have finally gone back to sane and the way that you once looked at the world has now become your life. All those notions of flags and founders and crusades of brushfires in the minds of men had consumed you to such a point that it put you in the very position of those that first inspired you to start this little adventure to begin with. Those notions themselves had not driven you here and perhaps are even true; but at some point you had begun preaching them so loud for others to hear that you yourself forgot to live them out in your very own life and your very own life now resembled the end result of a mandala. Once carefully designed and beautiful having been so carefully built it now laid wasted before you in a blur of what it once was. Zen lost whilst in the car. Of course, that’s just what I was thinking today.

 

In all seriousness though I do think that those of us who set out on a path to save the world or change the world run a very serious risk of being consumed to a point where we might find ourselves losing our own personal worlds and maybe even for a while our very souls. It is indeed a noble notion to want to see change even more so to be active in bringing about that change. I believe we should all run that course for a while in fact. However now that I am five years older or perhaps five years wiser I believe that we should know when to pass the baton and gracefully step off the track and back to the smeared mandala of our lives. When we do go back to that once beautiful design and sit before it in contemplation we will most certainly weep at what the act of being a hero has cost us. We fully understand that to be a teacher to the masses ultimately leads us to the hill of the skull where all heroes must face the cross and death. This is the price we have to pay for being spiritual and political upstarts. But cheer up dear reader, it aint all doom and gloom. You see, what the mandala teaches us is that nothing is permanent. Nothing really ever lasts. Now we can bitch and moan about that. We can cry in our beer as we grasp at the colored sand before us wishing it to go back to the way it was…and for a while that might work. But the key is this; don’t do it for too long. When the monks destroy a mandala they instantly begin to plot out a new one and in a single instant they lay down the first colored piece of sand that over time will become one much more intricate and beautiful than the one before. That’s you, that’s me, that’s all of us. And that is what makes us the envy of the gods.

 

comixSo, how to end this? Oh…people; we’re funny little machinations aren’t we? Knowing this I could think of no other way to end five grand years of ZENINTHECAR.COM with the faith and hope that someone else behind us will pick up the crusade of changing the world and leave us to enjoy it not as we would have it but as it simply is. That being said, I thank everyone who has contributed to the site as well as supported it over the years from the bottom of my heart. It was one hell of a ride, bruises and all. That being said I’m sure you know what to expect from this particular voice on a figuratively regular basis…out of the car. Be well.

 

D.L. Crumpton

 

A SONG TO PLAY US OUT…